❃ Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders kindle Epub ❧ Author Mary Pipher – Dcrjservices.co.uk


  • Paperback
  • 328 pages
  • Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders
  • Mary Pipher
  • English
  • 21 October 2019
  • 1573227846

10 thoughts on “Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders

  1. says:

    this book definitely opened my eyes to the experiences and feelings of older people in our country it was at times extremely depressing and also extremely comforting pipher says we struggle to understand our elders because we have never been their position instead of trying to bridge that divide, we often ignore them and distance ourselves from them since reading this i find myself looking at older people in an entirely different light i sympathize with them and wonder about what their expe this book definitely opened my eyes to the experiences and feelings of older people in our country it was at times extremely depressing and also extremely comforting pipher says we struggle to understand our elders because we have never been their position instead of trying to bridge that divide, we often ignore them and distance ourselves from them since reading this i find myself looking at older people in an entirely different light i sympathize with them and wonder about what their experiences have been although this book is likelybeneficial to people a generation or two above me, whose parents are a bit older than my own, i thought it was really insightful and think most people would learn something worthwhile from it.quotes, poems stories that stuck out to me the death of an old person is like the burning of a library p 10 11 alex haley many old people live in segregated communities Some choose to live separately from the young.but most just become slowlyisolated p 18 lois never remarried She told randy that when a man wants a wife her age, it s for a nurse or a purse, and she wasn t willing to offer either P 33 in our culture, adult means self sufficient Autonomy is our highest virtue We want relationships that have no strings attached instead of understanding, as one lady told me, honey, life ain t nothing but strings P 51 If we view life as a timeline, we realize that all of us are sometimesand sometimes less dependent on others At certain stages we are caretakers, and at other stages we are cared for Neither stage is superior to the other Neither implies pathology or weakness Both are just the results of life having seasons and circumstances In fact, good mental health is not a matter of being dependent or independent, but of being able to accept the stage one is in with grace and dignity It s an awareness of being, over the course of one s lifetime, continually interdependent P 52People born early in the century are the last Americans to grow up in a world in which all behavior mattered Today, autonomy is king As long as we don t bother anybody, it doesn t matter if we drink too much, spend money foolishly, or are dying of cancer Most of the people we meet don t know or care about what we do They may want our money or our services, but not the details of our lives Their main hope is that we not make trouble or interrupt their work Without community there is no morality p 69 One summer when my mother was a girl, her family s entire wheat crop was wiped out by hail After the damage was assessed, her father said, There is nothing we can do here Let s take a trip The family drove across the country to Niagara Falls, camping and visiting relatives and friends along the way Except for visits to her grandparents, this was the only vacation of my mother s childhood My daughter in law s grandfather also had his crop hailed out one summer He stood quietly on the porch looking at the ice filled fields and the stripped plants Then he said to his family, Gather up those hailstones and let s make some ice cream The people who survived this century have much to teach us about resiliency They know how to laugh, to dance, and to share meals with one another P 83 If you can t change your life, change your attitude P 107 What I learned from my mother by Julia kasdorfI learned from my mother how to loveThe living, to have plenty of vases on handIn case you have to rush to the hospitalWith peonies cut from the lawn, black antsStill stuck to the buds I learned to save jarsLarge enough to hold fruit salad for a wholeGrieving household, to cube homemade pearsAnd peaches, to slice through maroon grape skinsAnd flick out the sexual seeds with a knifepoint.I learned to attend viewings even if I didn t knowThe deceased, to press the moist hands,Of the living, to look in their eyes and offerSympathy, as though I understood loss even then.I learned that whatever we say means nothing,What anyone will remember is that we came.I learned to believe I had the power to easeAwful pains materially like an angel.Like a doctor I learned to createFrom another s suffering my own usefulness, and onceYou know how to do this, you can never refuse.To every house you enter, you must offerHealing a chocolate cake you baked yourself,The blessing of your voice, your chaste touch P 117 We were going to leave a mark on the worldbut instead the world left marks on us p 130 Wallace stegnerIn American culture we find it acceptable to give children feedback We say, don t chew with your mouth open, or, it s not polite to burp in public Children may not always like this feedback, but they learn form it However, we consider it rude to give feedback to any adults except our mates or our employees This custom can be harmful We all have bad habits and nasty traits, and at the age we stop hearing about them, they are likely to get worse Without feedback, people are likely to become rude, self centered, eccentric, and out of touch p 148 to Fred by mirageTo walk alone, where there is nonebut memories To be the oneremaining when you are gone.The day you left me, dear,My life was rent in two.Now walking wounded I go alongthrough life as half One leg is not enoughTo keep my balance and to moveAlong my destined wayWith strength and dignitySo many things I cannot doWith only one small hand.Unfinished tasks reproach meAnd mock my helplessness.I cannot hear the music clear.Not see the sunsets glow.My senses dimmed, my mind grew dullWhen I lost sight of you.But, most of all I lost my heart,Not half for you owned all of it.The shell remains, it walks and talks,But joy there is none.How could there beWhen Love is gone p 173 4 Losing physical beauty is hard fro some older women If a woman has always been stunning, liver spots, extra pounds, and wrinkles can affect core identity issues Ordinary looking women are likely to fare better They have less to mourn they have identities built on relationships, not complexions Ann Menebroker wrote, The way to stay beautiful is to avoid mirrors and look only at those who truly love you back P 176 something to be thankful for as an average looking woman The Japanese have a word that captures the intensity of feeling two strong emotions at the same time Wabi sabi means experiencing beauty and sadness We need such a word in the English language The word would describe that mixture of happiness and sadness when we drive away from a wonderful reunion, loved and loving and empty an alone all at the same moment p 205 Happiness is good for the body, but it is grief which develops strength of mind p 214 Marcel Proust Behind every beautiful thing, there s been some kind of pain p 214 bob Dylan We ve got it all wrong in our culture The young should identify birds They ve got the eyes for it The old should go to rock concerts We can hear that music and see the light shows just fine P 221 When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people Now I admire kind people p 245 rabbi Abraham Joshua Herschel Three things in human life are important The first is to be kind The second is to be kind And the third is to be kind P 245 Henry James The prayers of all good people are good p 261 willla cather


  2. says:

    really a 3.5 stars a very good book with a lot of great insight to how the psychological and emotional life of elders differs from our life But at times, it just seemed to be a series of vignettes that were not sure of the central theme it was trying to further Interesting vignettes, yes, but I found I was not sure exactly what certain parts of the book were trying to establish or get across That said, there were times where the insights were outstanding times I wanted to get the pen out an really a 3.5 stars a very good book with a lot of great insight to how the psychological and emotional life of elders differs from our life But at times, it just seemed to be a series of vignettes that were not sure of the central theme it was trying to further Interesting vignettes, yes, but I found I was not sure exactly what certain parts of the book were trying to establish or get across That said, there were times where the insights were outstanding times I wanted to get the pen out and underline things reflections on what it is like to live in a culture that is geared to the young and fit, what it is like to live in a landscape where all of you familiar markers are gone buildings, dead friends, cultural bedrocks like a respected church what it is like to find out that the simple things like the ability of a good night sleep and taste for food might leave for good


  3. says:

    Although the author did include a lot of scattered information about how to better relate to the elderly, I found her overall production less than satisfactory.This was because she has created a strange mix of psychology with occasional psychobabble , Eastern philosophy, partial personal stories and emotive poetry to make her points She included a generous portion of sweeping generalizations as well.Apparently she also felt that the hard scrabble life of farmers in the MidWest was pretty super Although the author did include a lot of scattered information about how to better relate to the elderly, I found her overall production less than satisfactory.This was because she has created a strange mix of psychology with occasional psychobabble , Eastern philosophy, partial personal stories and emotive poetry to make her points She included a generous portion of sweeping generalizations as well.Apparently she also felt that the hard scrabble life of farmers in the MidWest was pretty superior to today sunconnected and hurried existence She described it in a very romanticized way often.She also prescribed strong families as a solution to the woes of the elderly, but that doesn t help those without strong families in today s unconnected world She declared that certain changes needed to be made in modern healthcare, social systems, etc.but there wasn t really anything there about HOW such changes would ever be actually accomplished.Finally, she acknowledged that some people grew old badly usually due to past bitterness or current physical and mental disabilities, but she spent most of her time praising those who ballroom danced their way to their inevitable final fall off the dance floor It s my own fault, but each time she praised these admirable folks, I was reminded of those who could not manage such positive steps A well balanced book would probably depress people further, since many stories of aging and death do not end well at all


  4. says:

    This is a thoughtful, sensitive, practical book designed for those who are trying to improve relationships with the elderly in their families Basically Pipher says that we need to consider the background and attitudes of elders They had experiences, perhaps of war or struggles, that we today have not shared Pipher calls these time zone problems They learned to cope, not complain, but also were not expected to share their feeings easily, and it takes time and patience to understand them Fro This is a thoughtful, sensitive, practical book designed for those who are trying to improve relationships with the elderly in their families Basically Pipher says that we need to consider the background and attitudes of elders They had experiences, perhaps of war or struggles, that we today have not shared Pipher calls these time zone problems They learned to cope, not complain, but also were not expected to share their feeings easily, and it takes time and patience to understand them From a societal perspective, Pipher explains that these elders grew up in acommunal atmosphere in which families and neighbors helped each other, while independence is valued today As Pipher discusses, recent research is acknowledging the importance of social ties and close connections to mental and physical health However, today s realities don t foster this.Pipher recommends several ways to enhance these valuable inter generational relationships, such as having children visit nursing homes, and neighborhoods that provide places for elders to meet However, at the start she states that her subjects are mostly rural and middle class, and I feel this limits her viewpoint Her recommendations at the personal level are excellent, but it s going to be hard to translate some of her ideas into a model for an urban, mobile society I wonder if technologies such as e mail or Skype help maintain closeness But again, many older people find these methods too difficult to use


  5. says:

    I thought I d get a heads up on aging from the author of Reviving Ophelia I enjoyed this largely anecdotal book, and did get some idea of this terrain , and she makes interesting observations about how times have changed She found that the biggest change culturally between old and young was, to her surprise, the advent of psychology My favorite quote is I m not growing old I m growing whole Some of the chapters are sad, elders preoccupied with loss At times I felt like the world the aut I thought I d get a heads up on aging from the author of Reviving Ophelia I enjoyed this largely anecdotal book, and did get some idea of this terrain , and she makes interesting observations about how times have changed She found that the biggest change culturally between old and young was, to her surprise, the advent of psychology My favorite quote is I m not growing old I m growing whole Some of the chapters are sad, elders preoccupied with loss At times I felt like the world the author inhabits, most of her interviews were with people from the plains states, particularly South Dakota and Nebraska, was so different from mine that I just couldn t connect grandparents on farms going fishing, life long marriages but in general I learned a lot


  6. says:

    I read this book looking for some insight into communicating with my 87 year old mother It did give me a greater understanding of the extreme stresses of old old age and the lack of support for people in this stage of life because of the way society has evolved to undermine community However, personality and family dynamics play their parts, and the book would have beenhelpful had there beenexamples of such situations Perhaps I need to find a good therapist.Worthwhile to read, but I read this book looking for some insight into communicating with my 87 year old mother It did give me a greater understanding of the extreme stresses of old old age and the lack of support for people in this stage of life because of the way society has evolved to undermine community However, personality and family dynamics play their parts, and the book would have beenhelpful had there beenexamples of such situations Perhaps I need to find a good therapist.Worthwhile to read, but the best audience for it would be young people when they are making life choices that take them away from their families and communities Pipher says staying can involve sacrifices but has great benefit for both or three generations A very good section about the relationships between grandparents and grandchildren does not apply to me I see that, but I can t imagine having chosen to remain in an economically depressed, less vibrant area at a less than satisfying job in my twenties because my mother would need attention decades in the future, though perhaps it would be different for people who planned to have children Or perhaps I might have moved to a closer but still larger city Thinking of people my age who move to be near their children and find new communities there, I hope that our generation will beflexible than our parents though I realize that this choice isn t available to everyone For me it remains a problem despite my increased understanding


  7. says:

    I read this book because of my new circumstance as caretaker to an elderly parent, and thought it might be helpful.There was some interesting information, but what I liked best, I think, is just the feeling I got while reading that I wasn t alone So many of the stories felt like they came right out of my personal experience.To an isolated, overwhelmed, stressed out caretaker, that feeling of connection felt great.


  8. says:

    Definitely not her best book If you want insight in to SOME elders, but not most of the people I know unfortunately, then give this a try Some parts are extremely good and helpful It definitely does make you empathic, especially towards the Silent Generation but overall I walked away with not learning that much and definitely how to help my family.


  9. says:

    She lost me when she decided to quote Robert E Lee When trying to demonstrate how the views of parenting have changed between recent generations, you pull a quote from a Confederate General No thanks Mary Pipher inadvertantly proved the challenges we face with maintaining good relationships with aging parents.


  10. says:

    This nonfiction book writes of the emotional lives of the elderly Pipher writes of the new old, and the old old, and counsels them in her practice Lots of insights into the way life was led when they were younger and they way we all live today As a caregiver to a 91 yo and going on 90 yo parents, this book gave lots of food for thought Pipher also writes nonfiction beautifully.


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Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elderscharacters Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders, audiobook Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders, files book Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders, today Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders, Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders 2f24c A New York Times Bestseller There Are Older People In America Today Than Ever Before They Are Our Parents And Grandparents, Our Aunts And Uncles And In Laws They Are Living Longer, But In A Culture That Has Come To Worship Youth A Culture In Which Families Have Dispersed, Communities Have Broken Down, And Older People Are Isolated Meanwhile, Adults In Two Career Families Are Struggling To Divide Their Time Among Their Kids, Their Jobs, And Their Aging Parents Searching For The Right Words To Talk About Loneliness, Forgetfulness, Or Selling The House Another Country Is A Field Guide To This Rough Terrain For A Generation Of Baby Boomers Who Are Finding Themselves Unprepared To Care For Those Who Have Always Cared For Them Psychologist And Bestselling Writer Mary Pipher Maps Out Strategies That Help Bridge The Gaps That Separate Us From Our Elders And With Her Inimitable Combination Of Respect And Realism, She Offers Us New Ways Of Supporting Each Other New Ways Of Sharing Our Time, Our Energy, And Our Love.


About the Author: Mary Pipher

Is a well-known author, some of his books are a fascination for readers like in the Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders book, this is one of the most wanted Mary Pipher author readers around the world.